Due to today’s rapidly changing stock market and the
financial conditions in industry, the following terms have
had to be revised for investors in order to more clearly
reflect today’s economic market place:
CEO — chief embezzlement officer.
CFO — corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor
to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been
disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet..
WINDOWS 2000 — What you jump out of when you’re the
sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now
locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — an archaic word no longer in use.
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